The Well of Hopelessness

There are times in our lives where things seem to be working against us and, no matter what we do, we find ourselves facing disappointment after disappointment. It is at those points where hopelessness creeps in and we begin to wonder if things will ever turn around. Despite all that we have that we should be grateful for we loose ourselves in the blackened well of hopelessness where we have no way to climb to the top and, despite our best efforts, no one hears our screams asking for help. So how do we end up in these moments of hopelessness with no possible glimmer of light to break through the darkness?

First, life is not easy and that is a reality we all have to face. Some of us have it easier than others but we all face the bumps in the road of life that make the road not as smooth as we thought it would be. Some of us handle these bumps better than others and some face a bumpy road that never seems to have a smooth patch. If we accept that the road will not be smooth, and that we can handle these bumps as they come, then we are a little better prepared to handle them. For some, it is hard to accept this because we have had an easy life with the perception of a smooth road when in reality it was those in our lives that protected us from the bumps so we didn’t know they were there.

For others, there are those rough roads that never seem to smooth out, take their toll on us, and we wonder what kind of wear and tear this road will cause that we will carry with us. They travel down the road hoping that it will smooth out eventually if we stay optimistic and stay the course. Those smooth spots in the road appear but are brief and, after we face this repeating pattern of mainly rough road with a small patch of smoothness, we begin to see the light dimming and the darkness of despair can be seen on the horizon. It moves closer as we continue and eventually the road is traveling into that well of hopelessness that we tried to avoid. So what can we do when we find ourselves in the well of hopelessness?

One thing we all need to do when we wake up each morning is take a moment and be thankful for the new day that we have in front of us. Next, we need to pause for a moment and think of all that we have to be grateful for. Do we have loved ones who care about us? Do we have a roof over our heads, food to nourish our bodies and opportunities in front of us? If we take a moment to focus on them then we begin to see a light appear and that there is a way to climb ourselves to the top. It is a good idea to write these things down so we can be reminded of them when we face the bumps in the road. We can reach out to our loved ones and find time in our day to connect with them so we can remind them what they mean to us. We need to find the small things that bring us joy that we can do on this rough road. It might be something simple like a cup of coffee in the morning that we drink while sitting in our favorite quiet spot. It might be a good book that we can disappear into the pages of the story and travel on the road of the characters which will give us a brief break from our own road. Some may have an activity that they enjoy that gives them a sense of peace in that moment. No matter what those moments of joy are, we all have them and need to take a moment to escape the road for a quiet moment so we can close our eyes and when we open them, find ourselves in the brightness of hope that we seemed to lose on our endless rough road.

Unfortunately, there are those of us that even acknowledging these sparks of joy will not break the darkness and we might have to seek out help to find the light. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. In our society, we have not acknowledged that 1) help exists and 2) it is OK to seek that help when we need it. For years, we used terms like “buck up” or “its all in your head” which did not help and caused us, as a society, to make the need for help a bad thing. When has asking for help ever been a bad thing? We are human, we are not perfect and we do not have all the answers. There is no possible way for us to know how to handle every bump we encounter. So we need to remember that it is OK to ask for help, seek the people who know how to help us, and remember to take care of ourselves because how can we be at our best for the ones we love if we are not at our best?

No one should have to suffer in silence from the wear and tear of the rough road of life. The reality is we all face rough roads in our lives and we need to stop pretending that the road is perfect because who is that helping? Why do we feel the need to pretend that our road is perfect? It is the picture society paints of what is a “normal” road when in reality it is a fantasy that puts unrealistic pressure on us when our road isn’t “normal”. It is this pressure that drives us toward the well of hopelessness when the road is rough because we feel like no one will understand and we are ashamed to admit we are troubled. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help when needed because the truth is at some point in each of our lives we all need help. That is just life.