Depression – It’s Not So Taboo

Down in the dumps, the blues, melancholy… these are different ways that have been used to describe a person’s less than happy mood. Sometimes it is just caused by a bad day but there are others where it is more than that – depression. Growing up it was not acceptable to talk about one’s mental health and there were many who suffered in silence because they did not want the taboo label of “crazy” or “mentally unstable” to be applied to them. Let’s be honest, there are times where every one of us can say we are not mentally stable. When the kids are fighting and you can not get a moment to your thoughts or work becomes overwhelming because you are asked to do a 1,001 things on top of your own job we feel “crazy” . (Even as I am writing this my own son is announcing everything he is doing and singing VERY loudly to the point that my own thoughts are being downed out!) There are days that are just part of life but when those days are one after another that is when we have to ask ourselves if it is something more like depression. Throughout my life I have had moments where I have struggled with depression and have had to seek medical help to cope with it. The World Health Organization states that globally more than 300 million people, of all ages, suffer from depression and more women are affected by it than men. So how do we deal with this?

Today, it is more acceptable to seek medical help to deal with depression. It may not be an easy conversation but there are a number of factors that can cause depression, some of which are biological. Fewer than half of those affected in the world receive treatment for a number of reasons but the stigma associated with a mental health issue is still a factor for many. In my life I have sought out medical help twice, once when I was in the last year of an unhappy and unhealthy marriage and more recently when my father had a stroke and was placed in a nursing home due to dementia and failing health. Getting out of bed was a struggle for me and I realized I was not helping him or my family if I didn’t take care of myself. As with many, I was placed on anti-depressant medication but I found that this did not solve everything. For myself, I worked on changing my mindset to a more positive one however, I have to admit, there are still times where the pressures of everyday life take their toll. So how did I change my mindset?

I recently was reminded of a saying, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present”. If you think about it, there is some truth to this saying. I am a worrier by nature, it’s who I am and I plan for the worst case scenario so I am not surprised by anything. By doing this, I think of the positive and the negatives and those negatives are what can set my anxiety off. It is one thing to be prepared, it is another to focus too much on the what if’s. Let’s face it, you can plan for things but you can not predict the future so why obsess about the worst case scenario when it may never happen? As my dad use to say, you have a Plan A but also a Plan B,C,D…. (can you tell where my worst case preparation comes from). I am also someone that micro analyzes everything to try to figure out what went wrong so I can make sure not to make the same mistakes again. The problem with this is I then start hypothetical scenarios of if I did this then this would have happened and possibly have taken me there and avoided this. This is not healthy either because the reality is I can not change the past but I can learn from it to avoid the same mistake in the future. THAT is where I need to stop. This takes me to the present and where the real work of changing my mindset has occurred. The first major action is gratitude. Let’s be honest, NOTHING in life is certain once we are born other than the fact that one day we will die. That’s it. There is no promise that we will wake up tomorrow so when I open my eyes each day I take that moment to be grateful for one more day. Then I take a moment to write 5 things I am grateful for in that moment. What are these things? Life, seeing the beautiful sunrise, my health, my faith, my kids, my life……. It seems simple but these are things that we tend to take for granted if we don’t stop and take that moment to be IN the moment. At the end of my day I do the same thing and write 4 things I am grateful for from the day. I have to admit, on crappy days this can be hard but it forces me to realize that even on the worst days there are good things in my life. I also set some simple daily goals for myself because it gives me a purpose for the day. These are things I want to do and make me feel good about myself for doing them. It can be something simple like reading before bed or working out. The point is it gives me a purpose and since I am someone who doesn’t like to leave things for the next day, it pushes me to do those simple things and that makes me feel satisfaction in the completion.

For those who know me, they may find what I am sharing as a shock because I have been very good at masking my personal struggles my whole life. A few years ago, when I was struggling with depression when my dad took the turn for the worst, I did something to remind myself that even in the hard, dark times I can work through them. It may seem silly but to me it is a daily reminder that I have this. It is a simple tattoo I had placed on my left foot that says Stay Strong in an infinity symbol. I placed it on my foot because my therapy has always been dance, my strength comes from dance, but also to be strong I have to stand on my own feet. There have been times since I had this done that I have looked at it and been reminded that I will be OK. I know that I am not alone in my experiences with depression and I know there are those who’s battle is a bigger one than mine. I wanted to share this very personal side of myself in hopes that those who read this and say, “I can relate”, may find comfort in knowing they are not alone and may find the strength to ask for the help they need to overcome the storm. If we had a pain in our leg that would not go away we would go to the doctor for help. Depression is a pain that we should also feel able to ask for help from as well.