Looking Back
As the year comes to an end, it is natural to look back on the past year. For me, and I am sure for many, the year I thought it would have and the year it was were very different. I started the year as most of us do, full of promise and optimism but life has a way of delivering surprises we never saw coming. The sudden loss of a parent due to cancer, career challenges and changes, goals set for the future achieved before I expected and many highs as well as lows. The reality is that no matter how well we plan or prepare life is going to give us twists and turns we never saw coming and it is how we handle them that defines who we are and where the future takes us.
The sudden loss of my last living parent was not something I was prepared for and happened in the blink of an eye. On a Friday afternoon I showed up to a scheduled treatment for cancer to learn that the treatment was not working and we needed to prepare for the end. Scrabbling to get my oldest children home to say their goodbyes to have their grandparent pass less then 24 hours after they arrived home. Loosing your last parent is unsettling because they are the last person alive who knew you from the moment you entered this world. I felt like an orphan – alone and feeling like a true adult for the first time in my life. Until you loose you last living parent, you are still someone’s child but now I was the matriarch of my family. Old voicemails you forgot to erase now become priceless and cherished pieces of what they left behind. I can’t tell you how many times I have listened to them this year just to hear that voice say I love you.
Sometimes things happen and change the course of what you have planned but I believe that everything happens in the time it is meant to even if that is different than you planned. When this happens we can either lean in and be ready for the opportunities as they come or we can turn away waiting for what we think is the “right time” and potentially not having the opportunity again. Change is scary and the fear that this isn’t the right time or we are not ready is only ourselves holding us back from what is meant to be. When these unexpected opportunities present themselves we have to believe in ourselves and trust that we are ready so we can take advantage of what life is presenting to us. This may require a little soul searching to for us to look at what we want and why we may be hesitant in that moment. Many times opportunities present themselves to us when others see we are ready but we don’t believe we are when in reality we are.
I am a person who believes in the power of goal planning and preparation to achieve those goals. I am also very much a Type A personality who does not like when something I have not planned for causes a change in direction. The reality is that is life and we have to be prepared to have those moments of unexpected things to happen and cause us to adjust. How we handle those adjustments determines how well we can handle life in general. Sometimes we need a little extra help to give us a different perspective to see what we cannot. This could be talking with a close friend or family member, a therapist, a life coach, spiritual leader or someone we trust who can help us see the forest for the trees. We also have to be open to hearing what they have to say even if we don’t really want to hear it because it may be just what is needed. Asking for help is OK and is not a sign of weakness but a show of strength. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open up to someone we are also creating moments for personal growth to occur. Growth happens when we embrace becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. For some of you this is not a new concept, for others you know this but when the rubber meets the road you decide now is not the time. For others, we are not ready for the growth opportunity yet so we become defensive because the idea of being vulnerable too scary to even imagine.
As we end this year and look back on the year we had reflect on where the year began and where it ended. Are you better today than you were at the beginning of the year? If the answer is yes, what happened this year that led you to this answer? What happened this year that you didn’t plan for but allowed for opportunities that opened up potential for you to be in the place you are today? If the answer is no, why are you not better today than you were at the beginning of the year? Were there opportunities that you decided to pass on that could have caused you to answer this question differently? Why did you pass on those opportunities and what would have had to have happened to have caused you to allow yourself to experience those opportunities? These are important questions you need to answer before you enter the coming year so you will not be answering these questions the same way at the end of next year.
Don’t be afraid to accept the opportunities that come your way and allow yourself to experience all that life is trying to give you. Remember that even the unexpected events that occur like the loss of someone you love are not meant to derail you but are just part of life. Take these moments to give yourself grace and time to heal. For myself, I am better today than I began the year despite the unexpected loss of my parent because I embraced the opportunities that came my way but I also allowed myself the grace I needed throughout the year as I needed it. With just a few days left in this year I want to wish you all a Happy New Year which you can have if you allow yourself to embrace all that comes your way – planned or not.