You Have No One to Please But Yourself
In today’s world we are surrounded with examples of the “perfect” (insert anything). Society has created what is expected and what is acceptable as women, men, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers… the list goes on and on but why do we try so hard to “fit” into those expectations? Too many times we find ourselves trying to be what is expected of us and we lose sight of what we are and how well we are fulfilling our roles even if it doesn’t fit the expected model. Think back to the TV shows of the 1950’s like Leave It To Beaver or Father Knows Best. These shows created the image of the “perfect” family with the perfect husband, wife, and children that many families found themselves trying to replicate. These “perfect” roles continued into the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and even into the 21st century where still today we find ourselves striving to be the “perfect” that society and these examples say we should be. But I ask you, why should we care?
In my own life I have fallen victim to the “perfect” ideals for society and tried to recreated what was expected. For years I tried to be the perfect working mom and wife with the immaculate home that my friends would be envious of. The reality was that I could not, no matter how hard I tried, meet this perfection. With a full time job, kids, and countless actives that they were involved in home became more of a stopping point in-between actives than the “perfect” place I was trying to make it. For years I would tell myself this will be the year that I keep up with everything and invite my friends over more often. Despite my best efforts this dream never became a reality and too many times I found myself scrambling to “clean”, AKA hide everything the the few rooms they wouldn’t see, or when unexpected visitors stopped by instead of sitting down and enjoying their company I was trying to clean in a frenzy so that they wouldn’t think I was failing in my “perfect” role. Year after year I found disappointment in myself for failing to reach this goal once again and I found myself wishing I was like so and so because she had everything together.
What I realized a few years ago was why did it matter so much? Was I a bad mom because my house did not look like an HGTV home – No. Did my kids think I was a bad mom – No. So why was it so important to me to be something I was not? What I realized was I was trying to be what I thought society expected the perfect mom to be. Years of trying to fill this perfect role had only made me feel disappointed in myself and the I realized how other people saw me was really not important at all. What mattered was simple, I was doing my best, did my kids think I was a great mom, and did I really want to be what I thought was perfect. Once I realized I was doing my best and if I was not like the moms who seemed to have everything together then as long as I was happy with myself that was all that matters. My kids loves me and didn’t feel like I was failing in the mom department. The hard truth is if we try to be “perfect” to please everyone we will never be able to because you can’t please everyone. So, I stopped trying and focused on pleasing myself. What I found was I was a LOT happier. But I didn’t stop there, I took this new found freedom and expanded it to all parts of my life because I realized I only needed to please myself to be happy.
To many times we try to be something we are not because it is what society has told us is the “perfect” something. People end up unhappy because they are never able to become something that is artificially created as the “perfect” ideal that, let’s face it, no one can live up to. When we stop caring what others think we can focus on ourselves and what really matters. The truth is those who really love us will love us regardless but if society wants to judge us or look down on us because we don’t fit the “perfect” image then so what. At the end of the day we have to be able to look in the mirror, be happy with the person we see in front of us, and if we want to change ourselves it’s not because we are trying to be something we are not it is because we WANT to change ourselves. That’s it, it’s that simple. Perfection is an unobtainable ideal that no one can meet because, let’s face it, we are human and as human’s we are flawed in some way. The flaws are what make us who we are and are beautiful parts of ourselves. We need to remember this everyday otherwise we spend the too much time wasted on trying to be something we are not and it does not bring us joy so why waste time when we can be living and not letting the really important things not pass us by.