What does it mean to be good enough?
If we are totally honest with ourselves, this question of are we good enough has entered all of our minds at least once in our lives. Actually, more than once. It is a basic question but it can lead to great enlightenment through self reflection or it can take us down a dark path to a place of doubt that can do more harm than good. I can not count the number of times this question has entered my own mind. As a child I remember asking myself this many times. As a young adult navigating the choppy waters of high school and then college this question entered my mind on a regular basis. As a working mother and as a wife this question haunted my daily thoughts more times than the leaves on a tree. The reality was that the answer I found more times than I care to admit was: I was NOT enough.
I think it is important to be honest about this because to most people I appeared to be a confident, assured and a driven person. The fact was, I hid what I really thought of myself for most of my life because I questioned what my purpose in life was. So how can a person have so much doubt that they are good enough? The answer lies in the narrative that they hear over and over and over each day, each week, each month, each year, and in all aspects of their life. Now don’t get me wrong I did not grow up in a family where I was not loved or supported. My parents loved me and showed me this on a regular basis. My doubt came from the fact that I was a girl born in the mid 1970’s and boys had more opportunities than girls. I was not the popular kid or the prettiest girl. My red hair, freckles and glasses were the perfect trifecta for kids to pick on and make fun of because lets be honest, how many red haired kids exist in the average class? Not many at all. So I made up for my self doubt by trying to be the best at everything I did. Did this give me confidence in myself, yes but it was short lived.
Even as an adult I find myself asking this question of myself because that self doubt still lingers to this day. My inter monologue is my hardest critic on most days but I have learned to tune out much of the voices that can lead me to justifying every negative thing they tell me. So why can even the most successful people struggle with the destructive question? Must of it has to do with how we see ourselves not how the world sees us. When you look in the mirror are you happy with the person you see? If the answer is no then ask yourself what about this person makes you pick at yourself like a dog cleaning off a bone they have been given. Is it your looks, the person you are at work, how your treat the ones you love, your actions when no one is looking? What is it that makes you look at that person and say you are not enough? Is it fear that could be causing this question? In my case, fear is the monster that attacks my belief in myself and makes me question myself.
My fear comes from a deep embedded fear of being alone in life. This may seem silly but it is something I have fought my whole life. It has caused me to ask why I was not enough with each friendship that ended, boyfriend who left, men who loved me but cheated, promotion I was overlooked for….. (I could go on). The reality was this was the wrong question to ask myself because it only infected my thoughts and caused me to doubt myself and my own self worth. So what caused me to confront this monster and say I AM enough and you need to get out of my head and stop turning me against myself? The answer is simple. One day I looked at myself and said this stops today and you are not allowed to get down on yourself because you ARE enough. I turned my negative, attacking voices into positive ones. Each day I made a choice to look at the glass as half full and to realize just how blessed I was and that I deserved to be happy with myself. Now, this did not happen overnight and I had to kick myself in the butt until it became a regular practice to see the light, the positive in myself and in the world I was present in. I started small by writing down in my gratitude book 3 things I was thankful for each day before I went to bed. Some days when life had challenged my new optimism I had to really dig deep for those three things.
I also asked myself why I assumed I was not good enough all those years and maybe I should have asked why the others who caused me to question myself were not enough. The reality is you are the person in control of your life and only YOU can decide to look at even the worst days as a glass half full not a glass half empty. I also decided that I would not let fear control my life anymore. If I didn’t take control now then fear would control my life for the rest of my days to come and that was not something I was willing to allow. I was allowing my fear to cause me to question myself.
The question you need to ask yourself now is not are you good enough but will I stop allowing the monster of doubt, in myself, to control my life and loose faith in myself? Will I allow myself to see that I am enough for me and that is the most important person to be enough for – yourself. Take control of those voices and the rest will fall into place. Life is not black and white, there are all different shades of grey that we need to allow ourselves to experience and live in. What are you waiting for? You are ENOUGH and you will be enough for you – the most important person there is!